A telltale sign of the corruption and destruction of a nation is the all-encompassing poison of pride. Pride can demolish relationships and social structures. It is pride that led to the utter destruction of the Nephite civilization (Moro. 8:27, D&C 38:39).
I think of pride as a spiritual illness. Here are just a few of the signs and symptoms (many if not all references can be found here):
- Forgetting the Lord (Deut. 8:14)
- Not seeking after God (Ps. 10:4)
- Trusting oneself more than God (2 Nephi 9:28-29)
- Contention (Prov. 13:10)
- Thinking you are wise (Isa. 5:21, 2 Nephi 9:28-29)
- Thinking you are “holier” than another person (Isa. 65:5)
- Envying (1 Tim. 6:4)
While this is not a comprehensive list, I’d bet just about everybody has dealt with some of these difficult symptoms of a prideful heart. It is the illness that strangely enough makes you feel better than you are, but if persists without treatment, will leave you feeling emptier than ever before. If you wonder about the true power that pride can have on your spiritual health, just read the words of Jacob: “O that ye would listen unto the words of his commands, and let not this pride of your hearts destroy your souls!” (Jacob 2:16).
What does this look like in a marriage?
In the beginning of my marriage, pride was evident in the way I thought of myself before my spouse. My emotions clouded my empathy. I also wanted things to be done my way.
Relationship scientist and author John Gottman dedicated a chapter to this principle: let your partner influence you. He supports the beliefs of Latter-Day Saints that husband and wife “are obligated to help each other as equal partners” (The Family para. 7, 1995) and that it is never consistent with religious beliefs of any kind to make decisions that leave your spouse feeling disrespected (Gottman 2015). Making unanimous decisions with full participation and proper presiding is patterned after decisions that the living apostles make and is an important pattern for marital councils (Keyes 2012).
Allowing yourself to be influenced by your spouse is a mark of humility. Just be sure to be a full participant by contributing your perspective. It is not enough to sit back and let your spouse make all the decisions. Nor is it proper to dominate your spouse.
What to do if your spouse is ill with pride?
Check yourself, because you are probably ill with pride. The remedy for pride is repentance. The Lord Jesus Christ is your greatest friend and counselor. By reading the scriptures, praying, and doing the commandments, your hard heart will turn soft and you will be led by the Lord’s hand for personal guidance and direction. (D&C 112:10, 1 Nephi 17:13)
The Bible. (King James Version)
The Book of Mormon. Trans. Joseph Smith, Jr. Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
The Doctrine and Covenants of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Salt Lake City,UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1837. Section 112.
Gottman (2015) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Keyes, R. (2012, June) Counseling Together in Marriage. Ensign, p. 10. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2012/06/counseling-together-in-marriage?lang=eng
Higher Marriage 