For a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, meeting a member of the quorum of the 12 apostles is like traveling back in time to meet Paul from the New Testament. Church members believe that there are apostles of Jesus Christ walking on the Earth today. Naturally, as devout Christians seeking to have more of Jesus’ influence in our lives and relationships, we choose to subscribe to the inspired words of the living prophets and apostles “as if from [God’s] own mouth.” (D&C 21:5)
As my husband and I sat in the BYU-Idaho auditorium we were pleased to be in the presence of Jeffery R. Holland, a living apostle and special witness of Jesus Christ. It was a meeting especially for married people; we were surrounded by married couples of all ages. Many subjects were spoken of in that meeting, but one of the most impactful to us was divorce.
When an apostle speaks under the direction of the Holy Spirit, it is considered scripture. (D&C 68:4) When principles are repeated by several apostles, it can then be considered doctrine. (Bednar 2011) I cannot say if what Elder Holland said is doctrine or not without further study, but I offer my witness to his words.
He stated that “divorce is the exception, not the rule,” and “when you truly need a divorce, you’ll know it, God will know it, and your priesthood leaders will know it.”
It is commonplace for an average person in distress to think of themselves as “the exception,” which leads to unnecessary divorce and heartache. Sadly, there are also those who are “the exception” and do not realize how badly they need a divorce.
How might an individual know which one they are?
President James E. Faust taught that marriage is a sacred covenant, and confessed that he does not “claim the wisdom or authority to definitively state what is ‘just cause’” for breaking the marriage covenant. He continued, “in my opinion, ‘just cause’ should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being.
At the same time, I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred covenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply ‘mental distress,’ nor ‘personality differences,’ nor having ‘grown apart,’ nor having ‘fallen out of love.’” (Faust 1993)
Though President Faust made it clear that this was his opinion, his comments are consistent with what Elder Holland taught. These opinions from the Lord’s servants are definitely something to consider while formulating our own opinions.
I aspire to live by President Faust’s words in my own marriage. I am blessed with an assurance that my spouse is neither abusive nor manipulative in nature. That means I don’t even begin to approach the kinds of decisions a victim may face. It is also each person’s duty to ensure they weed abusive or manipulative tendencies out of their own character to prevent hurting their spouse. I sincerely hope the Lord reveals my character maladies so they may be purged.
Faust also shares that for most marriage problems, the remedy is repentance rather than divorce. I strongly support that idea. I also support the notion that each situation should be carefully assessed and counseled with priesthood leaders and where helpful, trustworthy professionals that respect the couple’s morals. My heart extends to those who were abandoned by their former spouse.
It is my hope that those marriages which can be saved by repentance may undergo that healing process, while those marriages that are irrevocably dead and dangerous are treated accordingly.
References
Bednar (2011) Increase in Learning
Faust (1993) Father, Come Home
Holland (2018)
Higher Marriage 